ledbythewind | APPOINTMENTS POST

Entry tags:

APPOINTMENTS POST

This post can be used to thread with or get in contact with Richard at any point when he doesn't have a post up! Just comment here (please use the format [Action, June 24th], [Voice, March 5th], etc. to make it clear when the thread is taking place and what type of thread it is) for a thread with him; if it's a continuation of another thread or post, please link that so I remember the context of the thread.

GO NUTS.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[...no. It isn't.

She'd really died back there, then. Died in what seems to her now as only an exceptionally visceral nightmare.

The moment of her demise comes back to her then, but it really is only a moment -- she only sees the flash of light and then...nothing. Any pain or fear was too quick to register. Later, she'll be morbidly thankful for this, but for now she's horrified that things could have been over that quickly. If it weren't for knowing the date, she'd be wondering if it even happened.

Pao-Lin stares blankly at the ground, her hands clutched together in her lap, and lets the fact of her death bleed through her like bitter poison. Faced with the enormity of everything that's transpired, so much so fast, her entire mind is going into lockdown. She's aware that she should be saying something to Richard, like an explanation for her reactions or an apology for distracting him from his day or even a question about some of his comments, but she currently barely has enough presence of mind at the moment to keep herself breathing.]

[Richard just remains quiet in turn, sensing that it isn't really his place to be asking questions right now. If Pao-Lin wants to talk about things, she will, but for the moment pressing too much would likely be a bad idea given that her behavior makes it clear that she's still sorting through her own emotions as well.

She doesn't have to say anything; he understands, and he'll just sit there quietly for as long as she needs to piece things together. She can speak to him whenever she's ready. There's no rush as far as he's concerned.]

[Finally, Pao-Lin speaks, softly and shamefully.]

I'm sorry...you don't have to stay here with me...

[Richard just smiles, a tired, sad little thing, because he's far too familiar with the sentiments expressed in Pao-Lin's words and voice. You don't have to stop for me. I don't want to slow you down. ... I don't want to get in your way.]

I couldn't possibly leave you here all by yourself.

[She sniffles and rubs at her eyes, which are starting to burn with tears. She doesn't want to admit it, but she's relieved that he's staying. There's still something about him that reminds her of Nathan in his more serious moments, calm and steady and comforting.]

..th-thanks.

[She glances blankly off to the side, taking in the unexciting view of trees and foliage. So peaceful and innocuous, yet that was exactly where everything had gone to hell...]

...I don't...know what I should do... [What she should do first, anyway. She knows logically that apologies are in order and other things like that, but...]

[Were Pao-Lin looking at him, she would see Richard's smile falter for just the barest moment before he quickly corrects himself, though that aura of sadness still remains. That too is a feeling he knows all too well, one he himself faced after he had finally been freed from Lambda's control. And the fact is... there aren't any simple answers to something like that.]

... you can worry about that part later. Just focus on your own recovery for now-- after all, you can't exactly make up for anything you've done if you aren't well enough to do so.

...so Mr. Tiger told you what happened. [Unspoken: What I did.

She needs to know what Richard knows, so she doesn't have to waste tears or energy on retreading old ground.]

I've heard a few things, yes. Enough to figure it out for myself.

[But there's no judgment in his tone. How could there be, when he himself was ready to eliminate humanity in his own world-- would have done so if Asbel and the others hadn't gotten in his way?]

[Pao-Lin's not always the best with reading others' intentions and emotions, so she's not entirely sure what she thinks she's hearing from Richard right now. He sounds neutral enough, yes, but could he just be really good at hiding his contempt for her? Or is this just paranoia bred out of a false self and lingering guilt?]

P-please don't tell anyone...okay?

[She'd been hoping that the knowledge of this utter mess would be limited to just Kotetsu, Barnaby, and Kazooie, but she supposes that with how badly she'd hurt Kotetsu, he would've had to go to the clinic for help and explained what happened.]

[Sensing that she may have misinterpreted his words, he just gives her a soft smile in an attempt to reassure her. He knows he's bad at comforting, but hopefully this will at least help somewhat.]

I give you my word. I think this is something that you should explain for yourself, whenever you're ready to do so.

D-do you think I should? Tell someone, that is?

[She will tell at least one person, eventually. But right now she just wants to bury all of this and forget it ever happened. Things might not technically be her fault, but she's still at the center of it. She's the reason it all happened.]

Do you think you should?

[Because, when it comes down to it, this is a decision that only she can make. Pushing her into it would do more harm than good if she isn't ready.]

[Pao-Lin lowers her gaze to the ground again, her shoulders hunching as she tries to think about her answer to this question.]

...I don't know. I mean, I g-guess I have to explain to people why I've been gone, but... [She could always just lie about it. She hates the idea of it, but...it might be better in the long run.]

[Richard gives a slight shake of his head, expression gentle yet distant. In the end, he'd chosen to own up to his deeds, in part because it hadn't really been a choice at all. But this is all up to her.]

Whatever you choose to do, it should be a choice that you make for yourself, not something that you do because someone else said you should.

[Richard's words don't necessarily illuminate Pao-Lin's path for her any better than before. But they give her enough strength to push forward through the darkness.]

O-okay. [She heaves a deep sigh.] I guess I'll figure something out eventually... [Her tone of voice makes it sound like she doesn't really believe that, though.]

I'm sure you will. I have no doubt that you'll be able to figure things out for yourself.

[He catches that doubting tone in her voice; he just isn't sure what else he can say that would help. He's never been very good at this whole comforting thing, as much as he may want to try.]

Th-thank you. [Maybe Richard isn't the best at the whole comforting thing, but this is enough for now.

She suddenly laughs a little, a weak, hollow sound.]

Heh...it's kind of stupid, you know. I don't really want to go home, but...it's not like there's anywhere else I can go...

Why don't you come home with me for a while until you've decided what to do? There's more than enough space in my house, and I'm sure the others wouldn't mind if you stayed for a few days or even longer. In fact, I think Cheria would enjoy having someone else to feed.

[Pao-Lin glances up, startled at both the offer and at this new piece of information.]

Y-you know Cheria...?

Yes, she's one of my companions from my world. Do you know her as well?

Yeah, I've talked to her a few times. I guess that means you know Asbel and Hubert too...

[He nods.]

The two of them are also dear friends. If you already know them, I'd say you would be more than welcome at our house. They aren't the sort of people to turn someone away.

I know. [Of all the Ephineans, Pao-Lin knows Hubert the best, but that's a relative assessment based mostly on the fact that she'd talked to him the most and not necessarily that he'd confided in her about himself. But she definitely trusted him, and Asbel and Cheria -- and now Richard -- so it's not necessarily that she'd feel uncomfortable in their company. She'd rather just not bother them at all with her problems, especially one as gargantuan as this.

But Richard was offering, and she 's almost too tired to care now, and anyway she'd be more than willing to repay the favor somehow as best she could in the future. They're friends now, after all.

She gives an almost imperceptible nod.]

Th-thank you. I'll try not to bother you guys too much. [And she finally starts getting to her feet.]

[Richard's first instinct is to extend a hand for her to grab if she wants-- but if she'd rather get to her feet on her own, that's fine too. He's not going to push anything, not right now when he's got a pretty good idea of what she must be feeling. Guilt, the sense that she doesn't deserve kindness from others... he's felt all of these things and more himself. And he also knows that just kind words from others aren't enough to make those feelings go away; it will take more than that, but it needs to come from within. Hypocritical, perhaps, since he still hasn't quite worked through his own guilt, but at least he's aware of it.]

It's not a bother at all.

[Pao-Lin clasps Richard's hand when he holds it out to her, using the grip to help herself up. But once she's on her feet, she unconsciously clings to his hand for a moment longer, a little surprised by the comfort that the contact brings her. She's suddenly struck with the desire for a hug -- from any friend, not just Richard in particular. She just wants to be warm and safe again, not cold and lonely.

But of course she can't just very well ask for a hug, can she? That seems a little silly and childish to her, to say nothing of her belief that it's something she doesn't deserve.

Still, when she does let go of Richard's hand, she smiles up at him, albeit a bit weakly.]

Let's get going, then?

((OOC: We could probably end this with Richard's next comment or so!))

[Action, May 12]

ledbythewind - 2012-08-19 04:13 (UTC) - Expand

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only