ledbythewind | [Action] - backdated to the 6th, before Hubert's arrival

[It's a particularly warm day in Luceti today, and the first one where Richard has actually felt up to doing more than just sitting around the house or sleeping, the two main activities he's been engaged in ever since returning from the draft. Physically, he's doing much better now, but mentally... even almost a week of having had time to do nothing but think hasn't done much to help him sort out his thoughts. He isn't even sure where to start.

That's why morning finds him heading along the path to CH2 - one place he's sure no one he knows will find him - to do something he hasn't done in a long time. He doesn't know whether or not it will help at all, but it's worth a try... anything is worth a try. Once there, he heads to the top floor in search of an empty apartment; he shuts the door behind him before beginning to arrange the furniture until a haphazard fort takes shape, nowhere near as nice as the "secret base" he would build in an out-of-the-way castle storeroom as a child, yet suitable for the time being. It's the idea of having a secret refuge of his own where no one can bother him that's most important, after all. That accomplished, he grabs a blanket from the bedroom, wraps it around himself, and settles in, just the way he would as a child, though he has no appetite for apples or adventure novels at the moment.

And there he stays for a few hours, trying to puzzle things out.

Are emotional bonds, be they love or friendship, truly so fragile that a single incident can destroy months of feelings and memories? Does this mean that someday too even Asbel would turn on him? Isamu? Sophie? Would they all abandon him too? If even Naoki, who had claimed to love him, couldn't forgive him for this, wouldn't even look at or talk to him, how could he possibly expect the people of Efinea - people who didn't even know him, who only knew the damage he had caused and the people he had hurt - to forgive him for what he'd done there, which was far worse?

But... he'd done something that was unforgivable, hadn't he? Naoki had made that much very clear. He'd done something horrible. And someday he'd end up doing something horrible to Asbel too, something he couldn't be forgiven for. Of course Asbel would leave him eventually as well. It's inevitable, if friendship is such a tenuous thing.

Maybe he was an idealistic fool to think he could be forgiven, for this or for anything he's done. Maybe it's impossible to have a world without conflict, maybe Lambda was right that the cycle would never end as long as humans exist. He doesn't know anymore. All he knows is that he deserves this.

He feels tired, cold, numb, and more alone than he's felt in a long, long time. Is the temporary happiness he feels from connections with others truly worth this pain when those connections are severed, as they no doubt will be? He's no closer to answers than he was before; in fact, he feels even more confused.

It's just as I thought... this doesn't work if you're not a child.

But there's one thing he does understand clearly. Being unable to help his father or stop his uncle, having to rely on Asbel and Duke Dale for help, being unable to resist Lambda's manipulations or help him in turn, and now, succumbing to that damn experiment and needing to be protected on the battlefield... all of that was because he is weak. He needs to become stronger.

So that he doesn't need to rely on anyone - so that he doesn't NEED anyone - anymore.

So that he won't be a burden anymore.

And, perhaps most importantly, so that no one can ever use him again.

Afternoon will find him sitting quietly in the front yard of House 43, eyes shut. Is he meditating? Asleep? Only one way to find out.]

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[You're going to have to say something to get his attention, Asbel. He seems pretty focused on... whatever it is he's doing.]

[Well, fine then. He stands right in front of Richard now.]

...Richard, what are you doing?

[That'a a familiar voice. His eyes open slowly at the sound of his name and he looks up at his friend.]

... Asbel.

[But the other might note that there's something... different about his tone.]

[Richard does definitely sound off from his usual self. And that is why Asbel is sitting down on the ground opposite him.]

...Is something the matter?

No, I suppose I'm just tired, that's all.

[And really, he probably shouldn't be pushing himself too hard yet, but when has that ever stopped Richard before?]

Richard... We've had a rough week, so... If you're tired, you really should be taking it easy.

I'll be fine.

Are you sure? I don't want you to become sick again...

I'm quite sure. If you came here because you were concerned about me, there's no need for that.

[He shakes his head.]

That's not why I'm here.

Then why are you here?

You're my friend... I just wanted to see you.

Your friend...

Yeah... friends. That's what we swore all those years ago, didn't we? Even though Sophie isn't here, we still swore a pact of friendship together. I've never forgotten that pact.

[Bluntly.]

Will that pact truly last forever?

I've no intention of letting that pact dissolve, not even if death should force us apart.

[That... that was similar to what Naoki had said as well, but now...]

... I see.

[A silence follows.]

...Richard, I... know about you and Naoki. About your relationship, I mean.

That the two of us were lovers? Yes, we were.

[It's crudely put, yes-- far more so than Richard usually would. If he can distance himself from it like that, put it in such impolite terms, he's hoping it won't sting as much to talk about.]

I'm sorry, Richard... I should have realized sooner...

And if you had, what would you have done? The situation didn't concern you. It was something for the two of us to handle on our own.

[... yeah and look how well that turned out.]

I know, but... If I had known, I could have been more understanding of your situation...

There was nothing to understand.

[Would you even have understood if I had told you? You don't seem to notice how Cheria feels about you, and... you never noticed how I felt, either.]

But... [He'd understand if you told him, Richard! ...Directly! You know he doesn't understand roundabout feelings and actions.]

It's in the past as it is. It doesn't matter now.

[But he's turning his head to the side in that little way of his that means everything is very much not fine.]

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drawnbythesword - 2011-03-10 18:28 (UTC) - Expand

ledbythewind - 2011-03-10 18:46 (UTC) - Expand

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