Richard, King of Windor (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ledbythewind) wrote2011-01-23 10:51 pm
ledbythewind) wrote2011-01-23 10:51 pm
[Written/Action]
[The handwriting for this particular entry is far neater than what is usually seen in the journals: a strong, tidy hand, though it may look rather unusual to anyone not from Efinea.
He'd almost filtered it before realizing that doing so would be going against what he was working on at the moment, so instead he leaves it open to be seen by all.]
To those of you who have ever sought a way to stop something you weren't always aware you were doing, how did you go about doing so? More specifically, I would like suggestions on how to be more honest, both with myself and with others.
[Richard hasn't been spending much time at home lately, so today, like most of the days before it, he'll be out for a walk in the snow, seemingly lost in thought as he just wanders through the village and out a ways into the forest before heading back once it starts to get dark. He'll pause outside of House 28, though, lingering for a moment as if deciding whether or not to knock on the door. The residents there might catch him doing so; he's not being very subtle about it.
Later that evening, housemates will find him fast asleep on the couch, a book open in his lap and a cup of tea going cold on the side table. He might be starting to tilt over, too...]
He'd almost filtered it before realizing that doing so would be going against what he was working on at the moment, so instead he leaves it open to be seen by all.]
To those of you who have ever sought a way to stop something you weren't always aware you were doing, how did you go about doing so? More specifically, I would like suggestions on how to be more honest, both with myself and with others.
[Richard hasn't been spending much time at home lately, so today, like most of the days before it, he'll be out for a walk in the snow, seemingly lost in thought as he just wanders through the village and out a ways into the forest before heading back once it starts to get dark. He'll pause outside of House 28, though, lingering for a moment as if deciding whether or not to knock on the door. The residents there might catch him doing so; he's not being very subtle about it.
Later that evening, housemates will find him fast asleep on the couch, a book open in his lap and a cup of tea going cold on the side table. He might be starting to tilt over, too...]
[Action]
[Action]
He got upset with me and said that I'm not honest with my emotions, either to myself or to him. [A sigh.] The worst part is that he's absolutely right.
[Action]
...Well, he does have a point.
[Action]
[Action]
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[His voice breaks for a moment.]
I don't want to lose him because of it, Asbel!
[Action] 1/2
Love... Naoki is really important to Richard... Right, of course he is. Richard may have a difficult time opening up to others, but... that's never cheapened the genuine bonds he feels for his friends.
...That's it.]
[Action] 2/2
You aren't going to lose him, Richard.
[Action]
When he speaks, his own voice is quiet.]
Maybe I'm just being selfish. Maybe I'm not the one who can make him happy. But I don't want to hurt him either just because I can't even face myself.
[Action]
...Maybe he's afraid that... You don't care about him like you claim, because you don't open up to him. But I know that's not true. I never needed you to say anything for me to know how much our friendship means to you. [...Well, he actually DOES, but he knows he's an important friend to Richard, and words weren't needed for that!]
[Action]
... he asked me if I thought he was unreliable, if he wasn't as trustworthy as you were. He said he could try to change if that were the case...
[Action]
...Do you think he's as trustworthy as I am?
[Action]
[Action]
[Action]
[He has to stop to think. Has he, in so many words?]
[Action]
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But... You've always been a very sincere person. If you tell him that, he'll certainly believe you!
[Action]
I want him to believe me, even if I can't change right away. I'm not so naive as to think I'll be able to change overnight, but I still want to start making progress to show him that I'm trying.
I can't keep letting my past dictate my future.
[Action]
Being open about yourself isn't something you can 'learn' to do. It's just something you do. It's something you have to want to do. Likewise... Someone shouldn't have to change for someone else. They should want to do it.
I think if anyone could do that, Richard... it's you.
[Action]
[He gives a soft smile at his friend.]
I want to learn to be more like you, Asbel. I was always envious of how straightforward and honest you were, even if it meant saying things that others didn't want to hear... even if I got angry with you for it at times.
[Yes, he's thinking back to their confrontation in the front garden of the Lhant manor.]
[Action]
...But, like you, I can't let my past dictate my future.