ledbythewind | [Voice/Action]

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[Voice/Action]

[It's been a tense week for Richard: with both Isamu and Cheria kidnapped, the king can't help but worry, and when he worries, that means things like eating and sleeping drop down several notches in importance. But it isn't just that-- that last experiment and the incident with Vanitas brought to the surface behavior that he swore he would never repeat again, and he's at once ashamed and frightened of the way he acted. Even without Lambda's presence, even if part of it was due to an experiment, that he could still be so possessive and seek vengeance for hurts dealt him... it scares him. What if he really can never escape that part of himself no matter how hard he tries?

It isn't until nearly midnight that he finally manages to fall into a restless sleep at last (the room seems almost unbearably empty with just him), but as fate would have it, he won't get to enjoy it for long...

The dream that follows is familiar, a scene that's replayed itself in his head night after night, almost painful in its vividness: the throne of Windol stained red with his father's blood, blood that's on the swords of the Royal Knights that are now advancing towards him as he runs to his father's side, and then pain as those same swords taste his own blood--

It's with a distressed cry that Richard jolts upright in bed, eyes flitting wildly around the room until he finally registers just where he is; it takes him a few moments longer to remember that he's alone. And right now? That's the last thing he wants to be.

He heads down the hall to his best friend's room, but once he's standing outside of it, he hesitates, hand half-raised as if to knock on the door. He really shouldn't be bothering Asbel over something this trivial, he knows that. He's not a child anymore. He shouldn't be relying on others all the time; he needs to stand on his own two feet... but friends are supposed to support each other, right?

Any housemates who come to investigate the yell will find him standing there, unable to move his arm that last distance to actually knock.]

[Voice]

[Some time later, in the wee early hours of the morning, Richard will pick up his journal. It's a bit too awkward for him to ask outright for what he wants because A) this is not Cheria he's asking, and B) he was half-joking that time he asked her anyway, so he'll couch it in slightly different terms.]

It's rather boring at this hour of the night... would anyone happen to know any interesting songs to pass the time until I fall asleep?

[Better than asking for someone to sing him to sleep, at least.]

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[Richard takes a deep breath to steady himself. It's a little easier to talk about this particular subject, as it's something Asbel already knows about, but he still doesn't like to think too much about the details.]

... I had a dream about my father.

...Oh. I... guess it wasn't a very pleasant dream. [No Asbel, it was sunshine and rainbows and unicorns.]

No matter how hard I try, I can't erase those memories from my mind... I wonder why that couldn't have been the part that I didn't remember.

[He looks down at his hands now, remembering how he suddenly regained his senses with those hands covered in blood whose source he couldn't tell.]

[Asbel can only imagine how Richard must have felt. No matter what Richard dreamed about, it must've been horrific to have him so upset.]

...We all have memories like that, Richard. Ones that leave such a huge impact on us that we wish we could forget them.

[Richard can't help but wince as Asbel says this-- he's got a pretty good idea just what memory it is that Asbel is thinking about right now. He never did apologize for that...]

... I'm sorry, Asbel. If I hadn't invited you to the castle, that would never have happened, and Sophie would never...

[He knows how much losing Sophie like that hurt his friend.]

Maybe that's true, but... [There's a long pause. Richard certainly did hit the nail on the head.]

...If you hadn't invited me to the castle, that would never have happened. I wouldn't have found a reason to join the Knights... And I wouldn't have become the person I am now. Everything that happened to me is because of that day. So... Even though those are painful memories, those same memories helped me become stronger.

...If you hadn't invited me to the castle, I might not have been able to save you seven years later.

But you endured so much pain because of my own selfish desires. Even if it did make you stronger, you should never have had to endure it in the first place. Asbel... you were already more than strong enough as you were. No one who didn't already possess great strength would have been able to protect me from Bierce that day.

[Been able to save him... Richard inhales deeply and looks down at his hands, which he's clenched in his lap at some point without even realizing it. He's not sure whether or not he should tell Asbel the truth about just how much the other saved him. It wasn't the fact that Asbel had fought for him that was so important. It was that Asbel had cared enough to come looking for him, had ignored the reports of his death and believed that he was still alive somewhere; that despite everything that had happened, he still cared enough to come rescue Richard. That was the one thing that had pulled him out of his despair and stopped him from turning that sword on himself.]

... you truly saved me more than you know just by being there.

Edited 2011-08-05 17:39 (UTC)

[Asbel takes a deep breath, gazing straight at Richard.]

...The only reason I can be strong is because I have a desire to protect something worth protecting. I have to be strong, in order to do that. And on that day, I had a newfound friend I wanted to be able to protect from Bierce. That will to protect gives me the strength I need.

So... If I truly saved you, Richard... It's because, to me, you were absolutely worth saving, no matter what.

Asbel...

[He's touched, very obviously so. Asbel was the first person who ever told him he mattered as Richard, not the prince. And so, because of that... he deserves to hear the truth, doesn't he? But Richard can't help but be afraid of how he will react...]

That day you found me in the tunnels... I'd given up. I didn't think I had any hope of escaping, and even if I did, to keep on living with the guilt for what happened to Sophie because of me... I couldn't bear it.

[He takes a deep breath and averts his eyes again.]

I wanted it all to end. I thought... it would be better if I died.

[The implication there should be clear.]

[...Asbel falls silent upon hearing those words from Richard. He thought it would have been better to die? Asbel couldn't believe that...]

So... If I had been just a bit later, then...

[He nods, unable to look Asbel in the eyes. He'd never expected Asbel to come for him, but the thought of what might have happened if he had been just a few minutes later... he would just have added to his friend's guilt, wouldn't he?]

[Richard's line of thinking is exactly right, as Asbel rises to his feet, turning towards and looking at Richard now.]

...And what made you think that was a good idea? Didn't you stop to think how that would have impacted me? Impacted Cheria? Impacted Sophie?! She and I came looking for you because we believed you had to still be alive, despite the rumors that were spreading!

[Richard flinches visibly at this accusation. He knows it's true, knows that every word Asbel says is right, but... why is he the one being blamed for not thinking about how what he almost did would affect others when Asbel didn't even send a letter for seven years? It's not fair.]

Did you forget what I just said? I thought Sophie was dead because of me. I thought you hated me for it because you didn't so much as send a single letter for those seven years we were apart. You say I didn't stop to think of how it would have hurt you, but did you ever think of how much it hurt me that you never even wrote to tell me that you were all right? That I had to hear about Sophie's death from someone else?

[Richard's words causes Asbel to draw back, as what he says is exactly right. Ever since he left the knighthood, Asbel's felt guilt over cutting off contact with everyone over those seven years. Both Cheria and Hubert hated him for it, and he didn't want to believe that Richard harbored those same feelings.]

Ah... ...You're right. I had my reasons, but... it's true. I cut off contact with everyone I knew and never even stopped to think about how they felt...

[Again, Richard shifts his gaze away and to the floor.]

All I wanted was to see you again and be able to apologize. I didn't want to cause you any more trouble.

...I'm the one who causes trouble for people, Richard. That's why I cut off contact with everyone. I wanted to dedicate myself fully to my studies without distraction... That way, I wouldn't be causing trouble for my friends anymore.

No, that isn't true. I'm the one...

[... who always needs to be rescued, who needs everyone else's help, who almost destroyed the entire world... if it hadn't been for Asbel, what would have happened?]

[Asbel gives a shake of his head, cutting Richard off.]

No, I am... I was always causing trouble for Hubert and Cheria, even before we met you and Sophie. Always putting them in harm's way just because I wanted to have fun or go on an adventure to somewhere dangerous...

And yet they still call you a friend, even in spite of all of that.

[His next words are so soft as to be barely audible; Asbel will have to listen closely to hear them.]

... that's more than I can say.

Yeah... [he gives a solemn nod. He didn't hear what Richard said, but he's on his own tangent now.] ...You're right... And that's why I'm glad I can still proudly call them my friends. ...And why I'll still proudly consider you my friend despite what trouble you may cause.

[... gee thanks a lot, Asbel. Richard isn't entirely sure that makes him feel better.]

Because that's what friends do...?

[He does what he can!]

Y... Yeah. That's what friendship means, to stand by one another through both good times and bad, never letting your relationship falter during those times.

Never letting...

[There, Asbel said it again. If that's what friendship means, then why...? He doesn't understand at all, and that not understanding is what hurts him the most.]

And... I know I didn't do the best job of exemplifying that. I ran away from everyone...

[Slowly, Richard reaches out to find Asbel's hand with his own, but he hesitates when his fingers actually make contact.]

But you won't run away again. Not anymore.

[... right, Asbel?]

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