Richard, King of Windor (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ledbythewind) wrote2011-07-24 03:50 am
ledbythewind) wrote2011-07-24 03:50 am
[Voice/Action]
[It's been a tense week for Richard: with both Isamu and Cheria kidnapped, the king can't help but worry, and when he worries, that means things like eating and sleeping drop down several notches in importance. But it isn't just that-- that last experiment and the incident with Vanitas brought to the surface behavior that he swore he would never repeat again, and he's at once ashamed and frightened of the way he acted. Even without Lambda's presence, even if part of it was due to an experiment, that he could still be so possessive and seek vengeance for hurts dealt him... it scares him. What if he really can never escape that part of himself no matter how hard he tries?
It isn't until nearly midnight that he finally manages to fall into a restless sleep at last (the room seems almost unbearably empty with just him), but as fate would have it, he won't get to enjoy it for long...
The dream that follows is familiar, a scene that's replayed itself in his head night after night, almost painful in its vividness: the throne of Windol stained red with his father's blood, blood that's on the swords of the Royal Knights that are now advancing towards him as he runs to his father's side, and then pain as those same swords taste his own blood--
It's with a distressed cry that Richard jolts upright in bed, eyes flitting wildly around the room until he finally registers just where he is; it takes him a few moments longer to remember that he's alone. And right now? That's the last thing he wants to be.
He heads down the hall to his best friend's room, but once he's standing outside of it, he hesitates, hand half-raised as if to knock on the door. He really shouldn't be bothering Asbel over something this trivial, he knows that. He's not a child anymore. He shouldn't be relying on others all the time; he needs to stand on his own two feet... but friends are supposed to support each other, right?
Any housemates who come to investigate the yell will find him standing there, unable to move his arm that last distance to actually knock.]
[Voice]
[Some time later, in the wee early hours of the morning, Richard will pick up his journal. It's a bit too awkward for him to ask outright for what he wants because A) this is not Cheria he's asking, and B) he was half-joking that time he asked her anyway, so he'll couch it in slightly different terms.]
It's rather boring at this hour of the night... would anyone happen to know any interesting songs to pass the time until I fall asleep?
[Better than asking for someone to sing him to sleep, at least.]
[ action ]
Your Majesty.
[No longer His Highness -- not since the last couple of months, and it's about time he stopped using that old address and proceeded fully to the next. Richard is His Majesty the King of Windol. His late father has been out of the picture since that very moment Richard ascended to kingship.
But the memories are always there, aren't they? As well as the guilt.]
We all live with regrets.
[ action ] oh yeah should probably mention this thread is getting spoilery. :|b
[He'd thought it would make him feel better. And, for a short time, it had, as he'd relished in his uncle finally feeling that same pain that had been dealt to him for years. But then, when Lambda was no longer influencing him, and the realization that he had delighted in another person's suffering had set in...]
[ action ] it's all Richard's silky pajama's doing.
Cerdic probably hadn't regret what he'd done. If he had, it never would've been as great as that of his nephew. That's simply how Hubert sees it.]
Is that regret not what sets the two of you apart?
[Silent words linger -- that this distinction may very well be better. That Richard is feeling, even if that feeling is tearing him apart on the inside. Perhaps regretting is better than not regretting.
Because regrets can fade over time.]
[ action ] LIES. You just can't accept how classy his pajamas are.
But that was no excuse for his actions, and he knows that.]
That may be, but it didn't give me the right to take his life and bring myself to his level.
[Even though Asbel had tried to reassure him... he'd still killed his own family member in cold blood. That's not something he can just shrug off, no matter how much he might want to.]
[ action ] SO WHAT IF I CAN'T, and I am sorry that this forever.
The right to take someone's life . . . such a thing doesn't exist.
[With that put out there, he continues:]
His level is lower than you can ever go. As I said, that creates a fine line between you two.
Is it not about time that you consider what you've done for Windol?
[Naturally, he means putting Cerdic out of the throne and a little more, as he isn't aware of how much else Richard's experienced since he left and returned to Luceti. Richard needs to start appreciating himself more.]
[ action ] THAT IS OKAY I took just as much forever
Most of what I've done has been fixing the damage I caused to Windol, and to Strahta and Fendel as well. Windol has incurred a massive debt all because of me. It's my responsibility to do what I can to repair that.
[It's hard to appreciate yourself when you're the cause of problems all around the world.]
[ action ] WHAT ABOUT NOW. DO I WIN/LOSE YET.
Of course, responsibility is what a leader should be exercising.
[And because that's what Richard is doing, he's a ruler. A responsible ruler. Obligations to fix the wrongs aside, it's something.
Thought the self-deprecatory attitude might downplay this considerably, if not outright erase its merits. To think the negativity was this severe . . . ]
[ action ] I THINK YOU DO.
[He can't exactly exercise much claim to that responsibility just yet, not when he's still playing damage control. Though he may be trying his hardest to fix things, those attempts still can't erase the guilt for causing the whole situation in the first place. If he'd just been stronger, then maybe he could have stood up to Lambda...]