ledbythewind | [Accidental Voice/Action] (afternoon of the 21st)

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[Accidental Voice/Action] (afternoon of the 21st)

[Richard didn't initially realize what day it was when he woke up. In fact, it didn't even occur to him until he checked the calendar, at which point it hit him like a ton of bricks.

A year.

He's been in Luceti for one whole year now. And how much has happened during that year... some of the happiest and saddest moments of his life have occurred here, in this little village. A part of him wonders how his kingdom is doing back at home, what will await him when he returns... and then his thoughts drift to the news he received from Asbel the other day, that Sophie and the others are now here as well. There's a lot to think about, most of which he's already spent days agonizing over. Right now, he just needs a break and the chance to clear his head, which means aimless wandering.

Said wandering takes him past the item shop; on a whim, he decides to enter it, just to take a look around. A violin on a shelf catches his eye-- that's not something he'd been expecting to see. How long has it been since he last played? More than a year, at least. Yet something urges him to pick it up, so he does, heading out of the store and to a place where he can be alone... or so he thinks.

He settles himself under Ammy's cherry tree and takes it out to practice, not realizing that the wind has blown his journal open and it's now picking up everything.

His playing is shaky at first as he readjusts to the feel of the instrument, but soon a lovely, sad melody will be issuing over the journals to anyone who may happen to be listening in.]

(OOC: Tags to come in the morning, and just as a warning, my notifs are still all wonky. 8|)

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And what is that?

[He's honestly curious as to what Asbel is referring to right now, though it's a struggle for him to keep his own voice level as well.]

[He opens his eyes now, and looks directly at Richard.]

The one thing I do know...

[And then holds out his hand, flat and outstretched between Richard, himself, and Sophie.]

...Is that you are my closest friend. No matter what may happen to you or to me... I want to be able to stand by your side and help you through anything.

"No matter what may happen, we make the vow to remain friends." ...That's the vow we took together, the three of us, seven years ago. No matter what happens, Richard... You're my friend, and nothing will change that. Not even in death will that change...

[ Sophie's pretty amazed by that speech, Asbel.

And she isn't sure what to do or say, so she opts to continue to watch. She's ... extremely curious as to how Richard will respond to this, and she focuses solely on watching him, nothing else. ]

[But Richard just... stares at that hand, making no motion to extend his own, instead keeping them at his sides.]

You can't promise that. No one can make that kind of a promise. Things can change, regardless of promises or vows.

It's true... No one can control what changes life throws at you, but... I'll do everything in my power to adhere to that promise, just as I always have. I'd never be able to live with myself if I couldn't uphold a promise I made to someone.

[ Sophie continues to watch, though she looks at Asbel now. His words catch her attention; they reinforce her trust in him.

Quietly. ] Asbel ...

Asbel... when Lhant was attacked, when your father was killed... weren't you afraid? You told me that being my sword was your salvation, because you had nowhere else to go. If I hadn't been there... what would you have done?

...I'm not sure. I sought you out because I knew I could trust in you. Hubert had booted me out of my own home... You and Sophie were all I had left. I wouldn't have had anywhere else to go. If you hadn't been there then, I... No, I don't even want to consider that.

You were there for me when I needed you, Richard, and that's why... That's why I want to be able to be there for you when you need me!

[ Sophie looks down, now, and just ... takes in their conversation. ]

[There are about a million conflicting emotions swirling within Richard right now. On the one hand, he wants someone to understand. On the other, he's not sure anyone really CAN understand, and he doesn't want pity either. He'd had more superficial sympathy than he ever wanted after his father had died.

He isn't even sure what he wants anymore.]

[No one can understand if you don't give them a chance, Richard.]

...Richard...

[ Maybe Sophie can help Richard know what he wants, seeing as she has ... an important question to ask. The things Asbel's saying don't seem like they're reaching Richard -- that's what Sophie thinks, at least. She can't tell what exactly it is Richard plans to do, so-- ]

Richard, are you ... going to leave us again? [ So many times he showed up, so many times he hurt them, and so many times he up and left. She's glad they're having a civil conversation with him (though in the corner of her mind, she's expecting something bad to happen again), but she's afraid he'll leave again after this. And she has quite a bit of sadness in the tone of her voice, and it is clear. ]

[At that, Richard draws in a slow breath. As much as he wants to leave - both for their safety and because he wants to be alone - that isn't really an option here in Luceti. He's going to cross paths with them whether he likes it or not. There's no way for him to avoid them forever.]

No, I'm not.

[Somehow, saying that feels almost like admitting defeat to him, admitting that he is weak and that he needs others around him. But then the cycle will just continue again...]

[Richard said he wouldn't be going anywhere... ...So why doesn't he feel satisfied with that answer?]

[ She'll try her best to believe what he said, though she's still got her doubts. ]

... Why can't we be friends? [ She's still curious about that 'but' earlier. He said he wants to be friends, but why was there a 'but' after that? He never answered that question. ]

... because I might hurt you and Asbel again.

[The same way he'd hurt Naoki and Isamu during the experiment, the same way he'd hurt THEM before.]

[Aaaaaand now you've pulled the trigger, Richard.]

Don't you get it, Richard? You're hurting us far more by trying to turn away from us!

[ Ah, that answer scares her. She doesn't understand why he keeps hurting them, though. She just doesn't get it. If he's aware of it, why does he do it? Are they truly not friends? ]

... Why are you hurting us?

You're the one who doesn't understand. Why do you insist on putting yourself in harm's way? Are you defying me again?

[He can't understand why Asbel doesn't understand that he's doing this for their own good. Just looking at Sophie right now makes him feel like a monster; knowing that part of what happened was due to Lambda's influence doesn't make that guilt go away. He'd willingly gone along with the being's wishes, after all.]

If that's a royal decree, then... that is one order I cannot follow, Richard. [He stares at Richard again. Why... Why is Richard so insistent on this? Doesn't he understand?]

I put myself in harm's way for your sake. You're my friend, after all... So I'll gladly put my life on the line without hesitation, because the life of my best friend is worth that much to me!

[ Sophie just goes back to silently watching their conversation, now. Maybe Asbel can handle it -- maybe he can get through to Richard. ]

Asbel...

[And for a moment, that sick feeling of betrayal rises in his stomach again and he has to force it down, because no, this isn't like back then, that wasn't a real betrayal and you know it, you're BETTER than that now. Aren't you?

He isn't sure, and that's part of what's upsetting him the most.]

Richard... Is it really that hard for you to accept this? [After all this time, did Richard really only see Asbel as a hindrance now? That if he stayed involved with him, he'd get hurt? He couldn't accept that.]

Richard ... [ She isn't sure what else to say to any of this. So she stands there and just ... looks at him. ]

[Accidental Voice/Action] (afternoon of the 21st)

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